Soooo it looks like I’m in my first relationshiiiiip ever. I’m scared that it can disappear at any minute!!!!!! what even@3 days ago with 1 note
He told me I was beautiful, and he told me I was the prettiest. And I imagined that when you were with someone you liked, they became the cutest person to youuu. And to me, he was becoming that. But then when we were talking yesterday he accidentally said a few things, and they kind of came out wrong but they’ll stick with me for a while.
First, I showed him a picture that my mom showed some other dumb boy, and he laughed. I wasn’t wearing glasses and he said it was funny, because I look soooo much better with them on. Which like spawned me to admitting that I hate not wearing my glasses because I think I look terrible without them on. So it was hard to hear him say that even though he didn’t mean anything by it. I’m so self conscious it’s why I FUCK stupid shitty boys with them on. But I took them off with him because he always called me beautiful, and I didn’t think it mattered to him.
We looked at pictures of his exes and my exes, and he kept saying that they had all gained weight to which I was like “so whaaat are you like not attracted to that, because I know I’m not the smallest person ever and I don’t want a disclaimer when you talk about me” and he said, “well you like a little chubby, but in a good way” and like I’ve always known that, but it’s still weird to here. I explained to him that like the way you say that to people matters. I have made sure to never say anything bad about his looks, because I know he’s sensitive to it. And I think he’s adorable and wonderful and the sweetest. Like here I am still crying about it, because I thought that for once in my life, he just found be beautiful. No disclaimer.
And then he admitted that he’d been telling me things because I’d been with such shitty guys in the past, not knowing that by telling me things he didn’t mean, he was doing the same thing.
I’m so tired of boys telling me their feelings, when I don’t ask for them and I even make a point of letting them know that I only want to hear true things, and I’ll never push something out of them. But he did, just like the rest of them.
He made me feel soooo cared about. And that he, at least for a moment, thought I truly was the cutest, because to me he was. And he said he lied. And that sucks and I don’t really know how to get past this, today. With time I suppose. But here I am crying about it, because he went out with his ex, and did all the same things we did two days ago, and didn’t think that it would be hurtful at all. And then told me she’s single. But he’s not even mine. It’s just been a rough day@1 week ago with 3 notes
Today was a bad day. It was a sad day and clearly I’m still a sad person. And I wish I wasn’t. I wish I could be confident that ending things was agood idea and that I wasn’t sad. I should feel relieved right? Like a little bit of sadness is fine but a loooot of sadness over ending things for good reasons just feel so….. Sad. I’m gonna miss him. Hell I miss he now and I say him yesterday afternoon. I’m still just such a stupid girl who does stupid things. Whatever@1 week ago
So this is about the time the first wave hit of me mentally hypothesing about who I want there:
Kings of Leon
note: this will be a running list@1 day ago
annnnnd he makes me soooo happy and just content with hiiim.
I can’t wait to see him in his own space and meet his friends that I was snap chat talking with hiiiiiim/about him. I’m “the lady” that their roommates sleeping with/ hanging out/ datinngggg. I was literally snap chatting his roommats girlfriend about them, through their own phones. It was the strangest thing but it was fun. He’s my boooooyyy. Allll miiiinnnnneeeeee!!!!! and I looove it.
I made him a painting thing and a CD with an explanation for every song.@3 days ago
fashion is fucked. I just put on a size 28 which i like a 6. There just a tad too snug aroung my legs but perfect on my waist. Yesterday I wore a size 13 stretchy pants, which granted is too big but like what the fuck. Such size descrepencies. Taking my sisters size 28 pink shorts as inspiration anyways.@1 week ago